Some may have wondered, if at all, where I disappeared off to last year. And this post here is going to try and explain what made that the case. I’ve been debating for quite some time, what to divulge or whether, in fact, I really wanted to share this information with the world…because currently, I can count those people on my hands. It wasn’t something I initially thought I would share, I felt that those that really needed to know were filled in. And others because I thought they might murder me dead if they found out I didn’t tell them (yes, you know who you are lol). But after weeks of tossing this information around in my head, I decided that my blog was made for the purpose of not only sharing books but also sharing awareness for chronic illnesses. These new particular ones, I guess, held me back from sharing because there is still kind of a ‘we don’t talk about… ‘(anyone singing that a little? 😆) air around certain illnesses. But I think that’s where the sufferers of these conditions get a little lost. Because one, they feel they can’t really talk about it; or two, zero awareness is then spread about these illnesses. So because of that very reason, is why I decided that I would talk about it.
After years of having issues with having cysts on my ovaries and my doctors just ignoring it, telling me that it’s normal and will go away; It wasn’t something to worry about…Years went by of it being ignored until recently. Back in June, they noticed that the cysts were multiplying and also growing in size. I had to have ultrasounds regularly and still the cyst continued to grow. I was referred to a gynaecologist because “maybe it should be checked”. My brain, sick of it and the doctors not taking me/it seriously…was like ‘oh so this is something that should be checked now?’🙄 It’d been years of having constant cysts and pain in my abdomen. Anyways, I got in to see a gynaecologist in late October. And within a few moments of being in the appointment, he picked up some things that were most certainly not normal. In fact, the first words out of his mouth upon reading my scans was, “interesting” – and can I just say hearing those words as he was studying my uterus was a little, um not comforting lol. I was booked in for an MRI to confirm his suspicions, which was that I had Adenomyosis (the cousin of Endometriosis). Upon getting the results two things were found…that I did in fact, have Adenomyosis but also Endometriosis too (both being chronic progressive illnesses that do not have a cure – Aden can be fixed by removal of the uterus but that’s not the case for Endo – since it’s external of the uterus). It was a fast whirlwind diagnosis and before I knew it, I was booked into hospital for the excision of my Endo; This happened all within one month of diagnosis. So in mid-November, I was having surgery to remove the cyst and all the other stuff that did not show up on the scans. From what I gathered from my lovely gyno, was that it was a massive job, and that included a rupturing cyst during surgery (glad I wasn’t around for that one lol) and freeing my ovary that was being pulled in a direction it wasn’t meant to be going in (endo trying to roam and grow free and boy wasn’t it running free). So it was no wonder that I felt like a massive truck had just taken me out. With my other health conditions, it was an extremely slow process of getting back on my feet (literally and figuratively). It was a nightmare of a time for me because healing was slowed down due to my immunosuppressant medication and it was also triggering my fainting episodes…sooo I couldn’t really get up without an episode hitting me fast and hard (thank you mum for the wheelchair rides for the bathroom stops!). I opted out of the strong painkillers because the ones they wanted to prescribe, let’s say would’ve triggered fainting and vomiting – And well, clearly, I didn’t need the help in that department. I had that covered without assistance thank you very much!
So essentially, I’ve been missing from online due to surgery, recovery and my health. It’s been a tiring road to get to this point…and even to this day, I’m still struggling with the constant cramping and pain, ugh…but at this point, it just feels like the normal for my life. It does help though being validated by the gyno and knowing that there was a reason for all the agony and an explanation for the things I had just thought were “normal”. It’s sad thinking that there are so many women out there just dealing with pain and such thinking this way…because I, highly, doubt I’m the only one.
Anyway, just a huge shout out to my gyno who made this really stressful time a lot easier to process and cope with. I’ve heard so many bad experiences with gynaecologists and I’ll be honest, I was so stressed going to see him…but everything about him helped ease some of those worries. He explained things simply, ran through everything making sure I understood and just had a calm approachable attitude (I wish we saw more of that in the doctor field – but unfortunately, they are like finding a rare gem). Not only that…he took on board the fact that I’m an extremely anxious person, without me really having to say much…and he did the sweetest thing just prior to surgery (me and hospitals are a bad mix – PTSD is no fun)…I use this word lightly, but all he did was grab firmly onto my hand before I went under to show I wasn’t alone and he had me…and that might seem like such a small gesture to him or others but it meant a lot, that others, doctors, can see and understand the person and not see them as just a task to fix. So thank you, for making that whole crazy stressful time a bit better. I wish more doctors were like you.
Sooo yeah…that’s essentially why I just poofed and vanished. Even as I read over what I just wrote, I’m struggling to hit that publish button. But for the sake of awareness, I will do this and conquer my worry. Because, so many struggle in silence, in fact, I was one of those people and I think I kinda, always will be. But if I could give just one piece of advice…if you feel there’s something not right with your body, don’t let a doctor dismiss something that is concerning you…because for years I let these diseases progressively get worse, all because my doctor didn’t see it as a thing to be concerned of. I think it’s just somehow ingrained in us to just listen and obey the doctors, after all, they are the ones with the knowledge…we’re meant to trust them. But I’ve decided, you need to come to a point and just know your own body, listen to it. And if the doctor isn’t taking your concerns seriously, see another one. Fresh eyes are always a benefit. And it’s okay to say no if you aren’t comfortable with an option they provide – it’s hard I know! But sometimes all we can do is trust our gut, it’s still in your control, it is after all your body. I just don’t want others out there suffering unnecessarily. So if you are concerned about your body, seek answers (please don’t just turn to google! lol).
Just finally, it honestly, has surprised me the stories I’ve heard of women and how their pain isn’t taken seriously…it’s almost like our pain is disregarded in a way, so we just do our best and carry on with our lives. This isn’t okay and I wish and hope that one day it’ll change…so if you are suffering ladies, don’t take it…find out why you are in pain, find the cause…don’t just accept it. Keep searching for the doctor that will listen. You never know, it could lead to a breakthrough and hopefully lead to a less pain-filled life. Your pain matters. Don’t discount it. Listen to it. It’s trying to tell you something.
I hope your New Year has started off on the right foot and is treating you kindly. Chat to you all soon Ramblers. 💖